9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life

On that day I discovered four things that changed my life. They were the same four things that I have heard other people affirm countless times:
1. God is there to help us if we ask him.
2. He not only helps us directly, he gives us others to help as well.
3. There are truths and principles, ways as we have called them, that are the ways he designed life to work.
4. As we practice those ways, good things are given.

The only way people can be controlling is for you to make them that way by doing what they want. Here is what happens: They get angry, or use guilt, or get pushy, and you give in. Then you come here and describe them as controlling. In reality, if you did not do what they wanted, you could not describe them as controlling, could you? If you say no to them and do not do what they are demanding, then they have no control of you. So you cannot say they are controlling at all; they are in control of nothing. They are just frustrated as they try to get control of you. You have converted them from being controlling to being frustrated simply by not giving in to their demands. It is that simple.”

He said, ‘Do not rescue an angry man, lest you have to do it again tomorrow’ (Proverbs 19:19, my paraphrase). In other words, if you give in once to her anger, get ready to do it again the next time you say no.”

Getting rejected is like that. Hearing “no” hurts at times, too, especially if we really want something. Failing, or getting fired, stings. But those things do not harm us. They are a part of life, and we learn from them if we are looking at life correctly. Hearing hard truth can actually help us. As Solomon says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted” (Proverbs 27:6). Hurt does not mean harm.

He locks in that heading on the autopilot, and the boat takes off in that direction.

• Seek to understand situations and people before thinking you know the answer or the truth or what the reality actually is.
• Get rid of any and all defensiveness when it occurs in you. What you are defending—the need to be more than you are —is not worth keeping.
• Serve the people “under” you in whatever structures have placed you “over” them. In organizations where there are hierarchies, déjà vu people are as concerned with their relationship to the custodian as they are with their relationship to the CEO.
• The moment you think some task or position in life is beneath you, take a time out. Go spend some time with someone performing that task or in that position and you might meet a human being superior to yourself.
• Root out any attitude of entitlement that you may have. Embrace a spirit of gratitude for everything you have or any good treatment you get.
• When someone is hurt by you, listen. Try to understand what he or she is feeling and learn how you can make things better.
• Give up any investment in looking good, right, or any other posture that makes you different from the rest of humanity.
• Embrace your imperfections and the imperfections of others. Do not ever be surprised by them.
• Use failure as a teacher and a friend.
• Be humble.

Here are a few tips on the humble ways of déjà vu people:
• Say you are sorry to your children, spouse, coworkers, customers, and other people in your life when you fail them.

That is a common paradox with those who will not accept feedback. They hurt others and then feel like they are the injured party.

Regarding their imperfections, these people do at least two things very well that build success, foster good relationships, and encourage learning, growth, and wisdom:
1. They admit it quickly when they are wrong.
2. They receive correction and confrontation from others well.
The first quality aids in learning

They do not beat themselves up for it, and they do not begin to believe that they cannot accomplish something just because they failed