On Being Nice

never invalidates an emotional hunger for a sense of having been useful and appreciated by another person, however brief and functional the encounter may seem

They can tell you about a bodily function or an aspect of their sex life without knowing you too well, because they have faith that we are all much the same in our emotions in these areas

So aware are they of their own unlikable sides, they nimbly minimise their impact upon the world. It is their extraordinary suspicion of themselves that helps them be uncommonly friendly, trustworthy and kind in everyday life

They merely understand that being ‘themselves’ is a threat they must take enormous pains to spare everyone else from experiencing – especially anyone they claim to care about.

They are in touch with their darker desires and can sense their fleeting wishes to hurt or humiliate certain people

They sense that a great deal of what they feel and want isn’t very nice

The Frank person taps into this childlike optimism in their own uninhibited approach to themselves

Frank people believe in the importance of expressing themselves honestly principally because they trust that what they think and feel will be fundamentally acceptable to the world

What ultimately separates the Polite from the Frank person isn’t really knowledge of etiquette

Being direct and open came to be seen, by Americans themselves, as one of their chief national virtues