New Year, Same You

Don’t think of yourself as being fat: think of yourself as being hard to kidnap.

A couple were talking one evening. ‘Darling,’ said the husband, ‘I’m so sorry about my bad moods. I shouldn’t take out my anger and frustration on you. I don’t know how you manage to stay so calm around me.’

‘I always go and clean the toilet when that happens,’ she replied.

‘And that helps?’

‘Yes, because I use your toothbrush.’

wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?’

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‘I believe you should live each day as if it was your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry, because who

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‘Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.’

Life’s a bitch. Deal with it. Just accept that some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.

* On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

* Open yourself up to the many paths available in life, and then take the easiest.

Perhaps there should be an organization – Grumblers Anonymous – where we can gather regularly to air our grievances with like-minded souls.

fat lot of good