American Housewife

Then there you are having it: the only thing women are more loyal to than love is feminine hygiene. As long as women use Tampax, Tampax is everywhere.”

PTSD gave him that thousand-yard stare

Take care of my home and—unlike my son—my home will take care of you.”

mark the wall beside it with a red sticker dot. Red sticker dots make people crazy. They’re contagious and everybody wants one and wants one right now

There is a buying frenzy and your walls get the measles

balcony bra. It’s lavender-and-gold stretch lace with aerodynamic support. It’s meant to hike your breasts up like corsets used to do. You get all of the oomph with none of the ouch. We in the business call it the Cleavage Maker

A good bra is fine, but a great bra is life changing. It gives you the confidence of a homecoming queen. It’s a tiara for your ta-tas.

Young adult is meant for teenagers the way Seventeen is

meant for twelve-year-olds, meaning Delores is too old for it

in your head, where you keep your will to live