Rewire Your Confidence

How to set your goals.

To start the implementation of your (newfound) goals, take out a piece of paper. Write down your main life goal in detail, who you want to become, what you want to achieve, and what kind of people you would like to have around you. See your ideal self, your ideal life, vividly.

Pin this paper on your wall, read it every day. Look at your dream plan, meditate about it as if it was already yours. Visualize it, feel it, love it. And trust it is meant for you.

Being negative now and then is normal and natural.

Learn to find happiness within.

Stop complaining. Act.

Don’t focus on what you hate, focus on what you love.

Morning glory.

When you wake up, start your day with an optimistic thought. It can be the same thought. You can pin it next to your bed to greet yourself with it each day.

Be grateful every day.

Don’t let your own self-judgment prevent you from living the life you deserve. Use self-criticism to your benefit by turning negatives into constructive ideas and goals.

Blame:

“Well, if you feel that I’m a bad communicator, you should tell it to me in a different form than such a direct attack. You are hostile and that makes me not want to talk with you.”

Understand:

“I know how difficult it is to tell a criticism to someone. You must have felt a lot of stress about calling me out. Why was it so important to you to tell me this?”

First, try to understand why this person called you out on your bad communication skills. Why do they feel that way? Do they feel ignored, not listened to, not heard, or insulted by something that wouldn’t seem insulting to you?

Approach them with the goal of trying to get to an understanding, not a goal to tell them how much they hurt you. Interestingly, once someone feels heard, they’ll much more likely listen to you and hear your hurt. They might even apologize for the raw manner in which they attacked you.

And hey, not as a last point, you proved them wrong: You do communicate well.

When flaws are good.

Reflect on how your flaws helped you in your life. All your flaws can be values at the right time, in the right proportion, and in the right situation. In my case, for example, I can be very aggressive in pursuing my “survival”. I can go over people from time to time for that, and objectively this is not a good trait. But without this trait there was no way I could have ended up living a good life where I have the freedom to help others. My aggressiveness led me through adult hardships at the age of fifteen, sixteen, living alone, without parents or much money.

Attack:

You’ll tell that person where to stick it and that you’re great at communication. They are the one bad at communicating, that’s why you can’t communicate with them.

Ask:

I’m surprised that you feel that way. I rarely get this feedback. Why do you think I’m bad at communicating?

It takes a great deal of character not to react badly to a direct criticism such as “You’re bad at communicating.” However, if you just defend and counterattack, the best you can get out of it is protecting what you already think you know: Your pride in your communication skills. If you’re approaching the comment with curiosity you might learn something new.

Smile or snarl:

It helps if you smile rather than snarl at a person who approaches you with hostility. Every human on this Earth ultimately wants connection and dreads rejection. When someone attacks you, they expect some kind of resistance, for you to fight.

Imagine someone’s surprise when they get a different reaction. The opposite they expected. That could break their walls of hostility instantly, leaning in to the connection they so wish to get. “I was mean to this person, yet, my opinion is important enough to them to ask me about it. They aren’t attacking me. They’re smiling. I’m safe to let my guard down.”