Addicted After All

“I’m supposed to give you presents on your birthday,” she murmurs, “not the other way around.”

“You’ve given me enough to last a hundred more birthdays, love.” At twenty-five, I am in desperate love with a girl who desperately loves me back. There is nothing more that I want than to experience life with her.

She touches Moffy’s tiny fingers, and she skims his cheek with a gentle, caring brush of her thumb.

My family. My wife. My son.

Never did I think I’d be the recipient of fragile, precious things.

Every single part of me is alive today. And it’ll be tomorrow. I’m not dying in my own body anymore. I am truly living. Peace courses through me. It’s the quiet that I never thought existed. And the heaven that I never believed was meant for me.

Lily and I—we may have started our relationship as pretend.

But for as long as I can remember, our love has always been real.

Never in my life did I think having a brother would change me. Make me better than who I am. But there’s something about siblings that pushes you to thrive in ways that a parent can’t.

“Hey, Lil,” I breathe, putting Moffy’s bottle down.

“Hmm?” She’s fixated on Connor and Rose, a giddy smile on her face. Her sister saved her. I said that to Ryke earlier, and it’s the fucking truth. Rose took care of Lily when I was in rehab; she was there when I should’ve been. When I couldn’t be.

And the words just leave me. “Someday,” I say, “I want another kid.”

She freezes and very slowly turns to face me, stunned in disbelief. I’ve never professed this or even let it linger for longer than a second. “What…?”

I lick my lips. “I believe that we can raise more than one kid. It doesn’t have to be in a year or two or even three. But someday, I want to meet Luna and whoever else. I don’t want Maximoff to be an only child like I was growing up.”

I’ve lived both versions: no siblings, siblings. For me, there’s no question which one I’d choose again.

I wait for Lily’s response, but her facial expression hasn’t shifted past shocked.

“Unless…you don’t…” I trail off, watching her chin quake.

And then she breaks into a smile, tears rolling down her cheeks. That’s a yes. She’s wanted this, I realize. But she didn’t entertain it—for me.

“Have you seen Daisy?” Ryke suddenly asks us, coming over with a plate of chips and spinach dip. “I can’t fucking find her.”

“Check the moon,” I tell him.

He gives me a weird look.

My lips pull in a dry smile. “That’s where she claims she goes in her answering machine message.”

“Hilarious.” He pops a chip in his mouth.

“Lily Hale.” I give her a look.

“It’s a temperamental bowl.”

“Use one of your spells to move it, little puffy,” I tease.

She crinkles her nose again. “I can’t.”

“Lost your wand?”

Her eyes flit to my lips. And a smile pulls my face. She’s turned on by wizard jokes. God, I fucking love her. I step near to help her, but she raises her hand.

“Stay back.”

“That’s not a spell.”

“You’re too attractive right now.”

There are small moments where I still fear for him. Struggles he may face, mistakes I know he’ll make, but I just remind myself something that I never even considered a year ago.

I remind myself that he has us. And back then, I would’ve pitied him for landing a shit like me. But I’m not a shit. I’m not worthless or pathetic. If my son ever trips, I have no doubt that I can carry him as far as he needs to go. I love my child unconditionally, the way that I love my wife, and I will praise him. I will cherish him. And I will adore him.

I’ll give him everything that we were starved of.

I’m in a gray woolen sweater. Beneath that is a white button-down and a green tie. A green and black scarf lies on my neck. I drive up to the guards at the neighborhood gate and verify who I am. Half a minute later, I pull into our driveway and park in the garage.

We split up to find the girls, and I carry both bags of ice inside. “Where’s my ‘puff?!” I shout as I kick the door open to the kitchen.

Lily looks up from a giant vat of punch, stirring the chunks of fruit with a spatula. I find myself slowing my pace, just to engrain this image of Lily: her cheeks rosy-red as she exerts extra effort, her gangly arms hidden beneath a black sweater and robe, her yellow tie peeking out by the collar.

“Me?” she asks, her nose crinkling in confusion. Christ, I want to kiss her. Wrap my arms around her.

I near Lil, setting the ice on the counter. Then I mockingly check over my shoulder. “Is there another Hufflepuff in the house, love?”

“Maximoff could be Hufflepuff one day,” she points out. “We don’t know yet.”

I don’t have to search far for him. He’s right beside Lily, in his bouncer on the floor. He sleeps in his black wizard robe. We thought about dressing him as Harry Potter with the scar, but he hated the plastic glasses.

“Or he could be Slytherin,” she notes, not leaving out my Hogwarts House. He could be almost anything, and I’d still be proud to call him my son.

Ryke rests his head back. “I think about it almost every fucking day.”

My brows furrow. “What about?”

He looks at me again. “I think about what would’ve happened if I just left you there.”

“I’ll tell you, bro, so you can stop torturing yourself.” I don’t break his gaze. “I would’ve woken up the next morning, kick-started the day with some Baileys, then switched to whiskey and bourbon. Every hour, every damn day, and I would’ve taken down the only girl I’ve ever loved with me.”

His nose flares as he restrains his emotion.

“You saved me, and the way I see it, Rose saved Lily.” In rehab, the counselors told me that I was a real asshole—that I said unconscionable things to people, and that no one should be around me when they’re in a bad place. But I needed someone. Without support, it’d be too hard to stand up and too easy to fall down.

Ryke’s one decision changed my world.

“When I think back to that day, or what I can remember,” I tell Ryke, “I don’t usually think about what a fucking asshole I was. I’m just grateful for the kind of guy you were then and the one you are now.” I flash him a half-smile. “I love you, man.”

“Fuck you,” he says lightly, his lips lifting.

Connor says lightly, “Should we sing happy birthday instead?”

“That depends…” I switch lanes and turn into the gas station. “Does it also come with a lap dance?”

Connor grins. “I only give those to people I truly love.”

I park the car and turn towards him. “What lucky bastards.”

He unbuckles his seatbelt. “Only one bastard,” he corrects.

“If someone ever asks how long we’ve spent together, I’d say for as long as my mind stretches back. I can’t tell you the day that I fell in love with you because there wasn’t a single day that I didn’t.” My voice shakes with more joy than I’ve ever known. “You have the purest parts of my heart, and I’m certain that in every alternate universe, I’m always, always in love with you.”

His chest rises with mine, our breath matched. Exhale for exhale. Inhale for inhale. He leans close like he aches to kiss me. His arms wrap around my waist. And in his sweetly edged voice, he tells me, “Nearly every day of our lives you’ve wondered one thing.”

Sex darts into my brain.

And his smile lights up his face, full-well knowing the dirty paths of my mind. “You’ve wondered when your superpowers will kick in.”

His words flush my thoughts, and I focus on his intense, passionate gaze. “Have they?” I ask softly.

“According to your timeline,” he says, “they’ve been present as far as your mind stretches back.” His lips rise. “Lily Calloway…all this time, your superpower has been loving me.” Tears cloud my eyes, and they don’t stop, especially as he adds, “And you’ll be happy to know that I’m not mortal.”

“You aren’t?” I choke.

“No.” He shakes his head, brushing away the wetness beneath my eyes. “Because my superpower is the love that I have for you. It’s out of this world, extraordinary, incomprehensible kind of love. And no one and nothing on this Earth comes close to it.”

My heart is so full that I can hardly breathe.

Our lips meet at the same moment, expressing the words we’ve spoken. Our bodies attracting like magnets that’ve met for an unquantifiable time.

In the very happiest moment of my life I learn three things:

I am strong.

I have powers.

And my soul meets Loren Hale’s in every kiss.

“First or second?” he asks me.

We didn’t write down vows. We told each other to just say whatever hits us in the moment. I knew that if I tuned out the audience, his groomsmen, my bridesmaids—I’d be able to accomplish the task without stage fright. It’s already begun. The last figure I see in my peripheral is Maximoff Hale, my smiling, happy superhero son.