Kathleen Glasgow

I’m so lonely in the world I want to peel all of my flesh off and walk, just bone and gristle, straight into the river, to be swallowed, just like my father.

The world becomes an ocean, the ocean washes over me, the sound of water is deafening, the water drowns my heart, my panic becomes as large as planets. I need release, I need to hurt myself more than the world can hurt me, and then I can comfort myself.

Even when she is completely still, you know there is a lot happening inside her body, and that it’s not good.

sometimes I miss my mother, even though missing her feels more like anger than sadness,

The cereal is eating me. The cereal is eating me alive.

I’m scared, because I don’t know how to be with people, but I don’t know how to be alone, either,

I just don’t think I matter.

I mean, we spent so much time wasted back home, do you realize that? We were fucked up all the time.”

“I know. Some of it was fun, though.” I smile.

“Yeah, but sometimes you have to let stuff go if you want to move forward, you know?

Your job here is you. We are all here to get better, aren’t we?”

That mattered to me, their accidental beauty. The last thing I thought I might see before I died on the cold, wet grass.