Elizabeth Acevedo

A truth
you did not want
to know
can rot & grow mold
in the pit
of your stomach,
can sour
every taste
you’ve ever had,
can cast a stench
so bad you forget
you’ve ever known
a sweet thing.

When your body takes up more room than your voice
you are always the target of well-aimed rumors

But I don’t know how to tell Mami that this year,

it’s not about feeling unready,

it’s about knowing that this doubt has already been confirmed.

Sometimes it feels

all I’m worth is under my skirt

and not between my ears.

Sometimes I feel

my life would be easier

if I didn’t feel like such a debt

to a God

that don’t really seem

to be out here checking for me.

I feel too small for all that’s inside me.
I want to break myself open
like an egg smacked hard against an edge.

reputations last longer than the time it takes to make them.

Every now and then, I dress my thoughts in the clothing of a poem. Try to figure out if my world changes once I set down these words.

This was the first time someone gave me a place to collect my thoughts. In some ways, it seemed like he was saying that my thoughts were important. From that day forward I’ve written every single day. Sometimes it seems like writing is the only way I keep from hurting.

what’s the point of God giving me life

if I can’t live it as my own?

Why does listening to his commandments

mean I need to shut down my own voice?